Operation: PRANK
by Bartholomew
Summary: Kids Next Door are placed on temporary hiatus. In a perpetual state of boredom, Hoagie decides to play practical jokes and pranks on his teammates. Pulitzer prize material here, folks, and chockful of gratuitous and obligatory 3x4.
1. Default Chapter

I don't own KND, nor would I want to. It's too much responsibility for this little kid's mind. My first fanfic, this chapter takes place after the KND have been placed on temporary hiatus, because Nigel screwed up their latest mission. Don't ask me how. Just try to picture the next scene that way, okay? Any advice or changes that you feel should be made let me know and I'll take into consideration...maybe.

Hehe. Now on with the fic!

**Prologue**

_"This is an urgent message from the Kids Next Door Moon base Headquarters for operatives one through five, of the Kids Next Door, Sector V: You are hereby placed on temporary immediate suspension until further notice--effective immediately."_  
  
Numbuh 1 gripped the letter in his right hand, trying to calm his nerves, and stared at his teammates. No one spoke for awhile; the reality of it all had not sunken in yet. After an awkward pause, Numbuh 2 finally said, "Soooo...what does this mean for us?" He glanced at his leader; afraid Numbuh 1 may blow up at any moment.  
"I'll tell you what this means," Numbuh 1 said. "It _means_ Sector V of the Kids Next Door is on temporary hiatus." His anger under control, he crumpled the letter and tossed it.  
"You mean you aren't upset about this, boss?" Numbuh 5 asked incredulously.  
  
Numbuh 1 laughed but his reply was impassive. "No. I was, quite actually, expecting worse. We will get through this and we _will_ prevail, Kids Next Door!" He placed his fist in the air for emphasis.  
"What happens to us now?" Numbuh 3 asked quietly. She was staring at the ground, her expression solemn, and clasping her Friends Forever Rainbow Monkey to her chest.(insert gratuitous 3/4 ness)  
"You heard him, Numbuh 3. We'll get through this because we're the Kids Next Door!" Numbuh 4 reassured his SecretLightofMyLifeLoveofMyLifeHowDoILoveTheeLetMeCounttheWays crush, relaxing a bit when she smiled softly at him. He started to pat her on the back but stopped himself. _Oh God, when she smiles at me like that I get all shaky inside and I want to go jump off a building because I feel like Peter Pan...oh wait, stop thinkin' like that, Numbuh 4! _The Aussie immediately broke off eye contact with her and shoved his hands in his pocket, staring at his shoes. (end gratuitous 3/4 ness)  
  
"Well, team, I really don't know how to say this, but...I'm sorry. As a leader, I let you guys down. It's _all_ my fault. I'm a failure," Numbuh 1 spoke seriously. The atmosphere suddenly became somber. Numbuh 5 walked up to him then and gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder. oO  
"Numbuh 1, you did your best for the team. You're not a failure." With that, she immediately removed her hand from his shoulder, feeling the unwanted heat rise up in her cheeks, cursing herself for getting a little _too_ personal with him. _I'm the cool one. Emotions are for the weak-minded. He's going to think you're pathetic and a coward if you keep throwing yourself at him every chance you get, girl. _  
  
Numbuh 1 smiled at her and took off his sunglasses, rubbing his eyes. _I can always count on Numbuh 5 to have faith in me. I only hope the others feel the same way... I wonder how long this 'suspension' will last. I don't know how long I'll be able to handle it. With there being no missions for awhile, I guess I could put that time to good use and reevaluate my leadership skills and tactical abilities. But, first, I need some time alone...after I take Lizzie to tonight's ball game._ His mood suddenly brightened at that last thought and he had to catch himself so the others wouldn't see the smile that crept up on his face.  
  
"Well, team, I suppose we can think of this as a sort of 'vacation.' But, we will not let this be a detriment to the team. We will continue to stay together, in the tree house, and keep ahead of the 2 x 4 technology and any other changes that must be made. I am still your leader. Today, do whatever you like. But tonight, at 11 o'clock, there will be a meeting--_HERE_--and I expect all of you to be here at that time." He relaxed when they all nodded in unison, and, with that, headed off to his room to shower for his big date with Lizzie that night.  
  
Everyone wandered off to their respective rooms...wondering what to do for the rest of the night.  
But Hoagie had different plans....

* * *

(a/n: Thanks to amélie for the edit)


	2. Chapter 1

Here's chapter one for all of you. I decided to add Numbuh 86 to spice up the story a little. May seem a little short but oh, well. What can you do?

Once again, I am not responsible for KND so don't sue me if you hate this story :/

**Chapter 1**

"Wake yer lazy arses up!!" The voice boomed loud throughout the entire tree house, interrupting

an otherwise peaceful morning. Numbuhs 1-5 had all groaned, and groggily got dressed when

they were confronted by Frannie, aka Numbuh 86, wearing her odd headgear and all, and her

entourage--troops 44 and 32. She gave Numbuh 1 the evil eye when he appeared, still half-

asleep.

"What's the meaning of this?" Numbuh 1 asked, angry at being awakened. Numbuhs 2-5

anxiously stood behind their leader.

"We're here to take away yer privileges, as direct orders from Numbuh 362 _herself." _She

walked over to Numbuh 1 and handed him a yellow sheet of paper. His eyes skimmed the note

and he confirmed it with a curt nod. He had to grind his teeth so that he wouldn't say anything to

get himself in even MORE trouble.

"Our privileges? NO way! You can't do that to us! Numbuh 1, you've got to stop her--"

"Hush, Numbuh 4. Let Numbuh 86 and her team complete their mission. The best thing for our

team to do right now is to cooperate," Numbuh 1 commanded, casting Numbuh 86 a frosty

glare.

"'Tis good to know yer not as stupid as ye look," Numbuh 86 smirked as she brushed past him.

She took another piece of paper out of her pocket and read a list off. "First, we'll kindly be takin'

all yer weapons. Numbuhs 44! Scan each and every operatives' room for weapons of any kind,

ye hear? Numbuh 32, take their computers and disconnect their satellite system. NOW!

Numbuh 67, destroy and dismantle every single mode of transportation they have..." Her voice

seemed to fade into the background as Numbuhs 1-5 stared at each other, shocked. _This can't _

_be happening. I must be having a nightmare. I need to wake up! _Numbuh 2 thought

frantically. He came up with an idea and pinched Numbuh 5 and Numbuh 3 on their butts.

_SMACK!_

_SLAP!_

_POW!_

Nope. He was awake all right. He rubbed his cheeks.

"You bettah keep your _disgustin' _hands off of me!" Numbuh 5 snapped, giving him another

shove.

"Yeah, what are you? Some kind of pervert, Numbuh 2?!" Numbuh 3 pulled her sweater down

to cover her derriere and walked over to stand by Numbuh 1's _other_ side. She formed a cross

with her two index fingers (like in the vampire movies) and mouthed, "You better stay away from

me."

When Numbuh 86 reentered the room, Numbuh 1 tried not to beg, "You can't take our

computers or our weapons! What if our tree house comes under attack? How will we radio in

for help?" He had his palms up to her, desperately trying to change her mind.

Numbuh 86, undaunted, only answered, "Don't be worryin' about that, Nigel. What ye _should _

be worryin' about is savin' yer little arses from bein' decommissioned! Yer all lucky yer still here!

And, I want to say one more thing. . .expect to be seein' a lot more of me for the next two

weeks. I'm goin' to be keepin' me eye out on ya. So _DON'T TRY ANYTHING STUPID!_"

She signaled for her troops, all carrying boxes of weaponry, gizmos, and other technology. She

nodded and they all left, leaving a cloud of smoke in the air from their spaceship.

"We're screwed," Numbuh 2 said to no one in particular. Numbuh 3 was trying desperately to

hold back her tears. Numbuh 5 was looking at their leader with concern. Numbuh 4 was too

shocked to do anything, and Numbuh 2 thought gravely, _I'm going to have to come up with _

_something. _

* * *

What to look forward to in next chapter. Bored now more than ever, Hoagie's pranks grow increasingly serious and over the edge. Look for more 3/4, 1/5 angst, 1/Lizzie, and, oh yeah--Numbuh 86. 


	3. Chapter 2

Author's Note: This chapter contains gratuitous 3/4 scenes so if you're one of those rare 3/4 haters then I suggest you don't read this chapter. Also, KND does NOT belong to me. The characters in this story exist only in the author's (hopefully sane) imagination. Now on with the fic!

* * *

**Chaptuh 2**

A week had came by and left. Summer was now fall. Outside, the weather turned gray and dreary. Above, the cloudy sky threatened rain. The Kids Next Door of Sector V had not had any updates so far as to the status of their temporary suspension. Numbuh 1 had repeatedly attempted contact with KND moon base via telephone but to no avail. Apparently, children could be just as relentless as adults when it came to forgiveness. By now everyone had become cranky and irritable - even Numbuh 3 had lost that bright, cheery, joie de vivre she usually possessed.

In his room, Hoagie had found some old wires, a computer chip, and a motherboard that Numbuh 86's troops had neglected to confiscate. Secretly, he had been working round the clock

in his room trying to fit the chips into place, so the tree house could have _some _kind of mainframe. One day, exhausted after all of the tedious mending, welding, and molding of electrical circuits and parts, he decided to take a break and grab a bite.

Walking down the hallway, he heard Numbuh 3's cheerful laughter echoing from the living room and Numbuh 4's angry accusation: "You're cheating! There's no way a _girl_ could beat me three times in a row!"

"I am not cheating!"

"Yes, you are!"

"_Prove _it!"

"Okay, one more round, but this time _I'm _callin' the shots!"

He heard them madly pounding away on their control pads and then, Numbuh 3 victoriously declare, "Yay! I'm da winnuh! Again!" Hoagie slowly tiptoed further down the hall and poked his head around the corner. He glanced in the direction of the kitchen and heard his stomach growling, but he decided this was his best chance to spy on the two lovebirds - since Numbuh 1 and Numbuh 5 had left earlier - on foot - to buy more nacho cheese and French Onion dip. He deduced that they probably wouldn't be back for another half hour. _Now's the chance to see how Numbuh 4 _really_ acts around Numbuh 3 when no one else is around_, he thought, grinning mischievously.

"Let's do somethin' else," he heard Numbuh 4 suggest.

"We can play--"

"I'm_ not _goin' to play tea party with you and your stuffed toys, so ya can forget about that!"

"Well, do _you _have a bettuh idea?" the Japanese girl asked.

"What'cha think Numbuh 2's doin' roight now?"

"Don't bother him! I went by his room earlier to see if he wanted to play with me but he said not to bother him 'cause he's working."

"You did? When?"

"Before I stopped by _your_ room and asked _you_." She giggled. Hoagie would've given his firstborn to see Numbuh 4's expression at that exact moment. Hoagie knew the Aussie well enough to know that, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, he tended to get jealous whenever he wasn't Numbuh 3's first choice to tease or pick on (_which was almost never_) and, even though Wallabee would never admit it, Hoagie knew the boy liked being pestered incessantly by the girl. To think she would pester Numbuh 1 or Numbuh 2 the way she did Wally was inconceivable. The hurt in his voice barely disguised, Numbuh 4 snapped, "Well, if you wanted to play video games with Numbuh 2 first, I wouldn't've even wasted my bloody time with ya. I could've been doin' somethin' bettuh like perfecting my martial arts moves or watchin' wrestlin' so when we get to go back on missions I can _really _kick some adult butt!" Hoagie heard a _pow! _and _thud! _and saw Numbuh 4 demonstrating his many martial arts moves for Numbuh 3. She only laughed harder before Numbuh 4's face burned a bright red and he snapped, "That's it! I'm outta here." He started to storm off before Numbuh 3 pleaded, "Wait! I wasn't laugh at _you_, silly. I'm just bored. Numbuh 1 and Numbuh 5 won't be back for awhile. I can help you with yuh martial ahts if you want."

"_You_? What do _you _know about martial arts or _any _kind of fightin', fuh that mattuh?" He smirked, looking down at her as she pleaded even harder and latched onto the sleeve of his orange hoodie. Then she suddenly had an idea and let go of his sweater, smugly dismissing him with a wave of her hand. "It just so happens I know a lot more than _you_." She crossed her arms and gave him a haughty look.

"Oh yeah? Prove it--whoa! _Hey_!" He landed on his back in one millisecond flat. She had swiftly kicked him behind his knee, hooking her shoe around his leg, causing him to involuntarily lose his balance. He looked up at her in utter shock and disbelief, his mouth forming a wide O, until he finally managed, "What'd ya do that fo'?"

"Because I'm fastuh than you!"

"Why, you--" before he could finish he picked her up and pinned her on the ground underneath him, his face smiling satisfactorily, as she struggled to break free from his hold. Upper body strength wise, she was no match for him, and he effortlessly pinned her sleeved arms above her head.

He gave her a smile that was half cocky, half pity. "Ha! Shows what _you_ know - _nevah _take your eyes off your opponent." He let out a surprised yelp of pain when she brought her knee up and hit him right in his gut, forcing him to loosen his hold on her.

"_Aye_!" Then she laughed as she pushed herself up from the floor and ran away, but not before Numbuh 4 had managed to grab her by her ankle and pull her back down on the floor, causing her to land right on her butt. They started to wrestle each other again and he could hear them laughing and struggling on the floor. Hoagie decided this was the perfect opportunity to grab his camera and take some pictures when their laughter had ceased and by this time, Numbuh 4's expression had turned serious. He was staring at Numbuh 3 in an odd way, and she was pinned back underneath him but their faces were only inches away. _He's going to kiss her! Haha! I _knew_ it! _Hoagie was already counting the number of ways he could blackmail Numbuh 4 if he knew Hoagie had a picture of their uncompromising situation. Then Numbuh 4 blinked, and he released her arms and stood up.

"Ah...ah...ah'm sorry, Numbuh 3...ah...ah...didn't..." the Aussie stuttered, his face was red - _so_ red - in fact, that Hoagie had to cover his mouth to stifle his laughter so they wouldn't hear him. Hoagie quickly ran back to his room as quietly as he could to grab his camera. Moments later he returned, and he was bitterly disappointed to see they were back on the couch - though sitting further apart - and watching television. _Darn! You missed your best opportunity, Hoagie! _he thought, frustrated. Putting that thought out of his mind, he decided that his stomach needed his full attention. He entered the room and greeted them with a nonchalant, "Hey guys." Numbuh 4's head jerked up and he eyed Hoagie suspiciously, then quickly looked away.

_What's the matter, Numbuh 4? Feeling guilty about something? _Hoagie couldn't control the huge grin spreading across his face as the image of Numbuh 4 about to kiss Numbuh 3 popped back into his mind again. Numbuh 4 quickly looked up again and shouted, "You saw it!

Didn't you?!" He rose from the sofa and was now staring (almost) face-to-face with the heavier boy.

"Saw _what_?" Hoagie asked innocently, trying to sound convincing. _Thank _God_ I hid that camera in my pocket before I walked in here! Phew! Close call, Numbuh 2_. He mentally patted himself on the back.

"You know what you saw." Numbuh 4 was glaring at him. But Hoagie only shrugged as he walked past him and into the kitchen. "_Whatever. _I'm making myself a super duper subway deluxe supreme sandwich. Anyone else want one?" Hoagie asked, retrieving ketchup, mayonnaise, relish, onions, and ice cream out of the fridge.

"_Me_!" Numbuh 3 answered, raising her hand. She had not bothered to turn her face away from

the television during this whole scene and Hoagie could only venture a guess that she was just as embarrassed about the "non-kiss" as Numbuh 4.

Numbuh 4 mumbled something under his breath and started toward his room when they heard the front door open and Numbuh 1 and Numbuh 5 walk in, groceries and shopping bags in tow.

"Whoa! Who'd you go grocery shoppin' for? The whole country of Florida?" Numbuh 4 asked,eyeing the load of groceries being brought in by their shopping basket.

"Florida is _not _a country, Numbuh 4. And no. Numbuh 5 and I were talking last night, and we'vedecided the only way to get back on the good side of the Kids Next Door moonbase is to throw a party for them in their honor Saturday night," Numbuh 1 explained to Numbuh 4. He handed him some groceries and gestured for him to take them into the kitchen.

"Cool! A party!" For once, Numbuh 3's face lighted up from excitement and she ran up to

give Numbuh 1 a hug, and then Numbuh 5.

"This could work," Hoagie commented, spreading jam and mustard on two slices of buttered,crack wheat bread."Every kid higher up in command from the Kids Next Door Moon Base will be here so we wantto get this place in tiptop shape by Saturday. We're hoping that by throwing a party and gettingback on their--"

"What he _means _to say," Numbuh 5 interjected, giving an exaggerated roll of her eyes, "is thatwe hafta kiss their heinies."

"Numbuh 5, you _don't _have to say it in those exact words." Numbuh 1's cheeks flushed withembarrassment as he looked at each and every one of his teammates' faces. "But, essentially, she's right." Groans.

"Ugh, you mean I have to be nice to Mrs. Frannie Pants?"

"Argh! I'd rather eat dirt!"

"Numbuh 362 will not fall for it!"

"Yeah, she'll know what our real motive is!" Shouts, bitter complaints, unintelligible comments left and right before - "Silence!" Numbuh 1 ordered his teammates. He held up his hand. "Numbuh 4, help Five put these groceries away, and Two and Three, we need to talk about party decorations and how we'll get this place spic and span. I don't want to hear anymore complaints - you hear? Our jobs are on the line here. If we're not assigned a mission anytime soon I think I'll go crazy."

They all let out a collective sigh and nodded in agreement.

* * *

_One final note_: I'm thinking of adding Numbuh 30C into the story but was he actually a KND operative or not? Someone let me know. Thanks for the great reviews! 


	4. Chapter 3

Sorry about the long wait but I just celebrated my 16th birthday last week and my parents are letting me cruise around in their car :) Anyway, I want to go through the whole disclaimer thing again. Blah. Blah. Blah. I do not own Kids Next Door. This chapter is short but I'll make the next one really long--I promise!

**Chaptuh 3 **

"Kids Next Door! I have just received a letter from Moon Base!" Numbuh 1 announced as he entered the living room. Everyone immediately stopped what they were doing and gave him their full attention.

Ending his game and putting down the controller, Numbuh 2 looked up and

asked, "Is it good news?"

"I don't know. I haven't opened it yet. I thought I'd open it now, in front of everyone." Numbuh 1 was visibly shaking with excitement as he tore open

the envelope. All KND member's eyes were on him as he read:

_"Kids Next Door of Sector V, __We have received word from a KND operative that the Delightful __Children From Down the Lane are building and testing new missiles. __We feel that your team is particularly vulnerable and susceptible right now and your tree house may be one of their targets. We have sent a KND operative to stay with you for a few weeks and help you prepare if such an attack may take place. Expect this agent's arrival within 24 hours after you have received this letter. Sincerely, Moon Base."_

Numbuh 1 crumpled the letter and clenched his fists. "I _don't _believe it..." he mumbled. This whole time he thought the letter might be good news; that the KND headquarters had changed their minds, that their weapons, technology, transportation...would all be returned. But this was a lot worse than he expected. His team could possibly be in danger and they had no weaponry or technology of any kind to defend themselves. And who could this mystery KND operative be? He couldn't fathom the idea of another KND leader coming into HIS tree house, ordering HIS team around, and fighting _their_ missions. He let out an angry hiss and tore the letter in pieces.

Numbuh 2 waited a beat before he joked, "Well, it looks like we've got ourselves another person to help plan this party."

"This is not a time to be joking, Numbuh 2." Numbuh 1 glanced at Numbuh 5, hoping for her input, but she was staring at the floor. He desperately needed her opinion on this whole situation.

Numbuh 3 looked on the verge of tears as she clutched her teddy and cried, "Missiles?! _I don't wanna be blown up to little pieces...waaaahhhhh..._" She sobbed into the sleeves of her sweater. Before Numbuh 4 could comfort her, Numbuh 1 said, "It's okay, Numbuh 3. We can handle this. We're the bravest team the Kids Next Door has ever had! We will beat the Delightful Children - with or without this new "agent's" help." He gave her a reassuring pat on the back. She lifted her tear-streaked face and gave him a pitiful smile.

Numbuh 4, by that time, had been brainstorming. His face was flushed, as it usually was when he got excited. He came up with an idea. "Ah say, that tonight, when those Delightful Creeps are tucked away in their wittle beddie weddies we go o'er there and beat the crap out of 'em!"

Numbuh 1 only shook his head. "That's a negative, Numbuh 4. We would only be going against the Moon Base's wishes and breaking their rules. We would _definitely_ be decommissioned. And besides, beating the--ahem--_heck _out of them wouldn't do any good. We need our weapons and technology." He glanced at Numbuh 5 again, but she still looked like she was in deep thought. _I desperately need Five's input... I hope she's coming up with a plan, because I am completely stumped right now._

"So...uh...what should we do now, boss?" Hoagie asked cautiously. He always hated asking their leader questions during times like these. With Numbuh 1, you never knew if he was a ticking time bomb ready to go off.

But Nigel only shook his head. "Well, we will have to welcome this agent - whether we want to or not. Who is willing to share their room for a couple of weeks?" He looked at each of them.

"If it's a girl, she can stay in MY room!" Three volunteered.

"Ah am NOT sharin' my room with no one." Four was stubborn.

"Well, I suppose I have room..." Hoagie, not wanting to cause friction between the two males, willingly became the scapegoat.

Numbuh 1 allowed his gaze to stay focused on Five as he continued, "Very well, then. Now, if...anyone...in...particular...has any ideas or suggestions, I'll be in my room..."

Under the brim of her cap, Numbuh 5 watched him as he left the room. A small smile crept up across her face. She had an idea, alright.

* * *

The next day, everyone in the tree house busily prepared for the arrival of their new houseguest. Numbuh 3 had happily picked flowers from Nigel's mom's garden--oops!--and arranged them in a wicker basket. Numbuh 2 spent most of his time in his room hiding his cool gadgets and gizmos that 86's troops had left behind. He also hid his Yipper comics under the floorboard. Hey, if he had to share his room, there was no way he was letting _these babies_ fall into the hands of another.

Four spent the morning angrily punching away on his punching bag, and Numbuh 5 spent most of the time writing in a journal.

The doorbell rang. Everyone jumped at the sound, and looked at their leader. Numbuh 1, his heart racing wildly in his chest, his palms sweaty, walked over slowly to the front door and opened it.

Wearing a Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses--and sandals in mid-October, stood Numbuh 30C.


	5. Chapter 4

You're all probably wondering why you haven't seen any pranks yet. Well, I'm trying to keep Hoagie in character as much as possible and I thought he needed a sort of partner-in-crime. That's why I introduced 30C. I don't think Hoagie would intentionally play cruel jokes on his fellow team mates and you know how 30C is...By the way, I've also tried to keep 30C in character as much as I remember him from Operation: A.R.C.T.I.C. I hope you all enjoy, but don't let me forget to mention that I do not own KND.

**Chaptuh 4**

"Numbuh 30C?? What the hell are YOU doing here?" Numbuh 1 asked, not expecting to see _him_ of all people.

"Well, hehe, the Moon Base _did _send me here to...uh...keep an eye on you, because...well...let's face it--you're completely screwed. Didn't you get the letter?" the taller boy asked, annoyed.

Nigel blinked and then he managed a, "W-well, s-s-ure w-we received y-your letter. I was just expecting someone else, that's all." The other team members exchanged nervous glances. And then, much to Numbuh 1's dismay, Numbuh 4 marched up to 30C and snapped, "Well, we don't allow _traitors _in this tree 'ouse, y' hear? So you'd better--"

"Hold it, Numbuh 4." Nigel put his hand up to silence him. "If the Moon Base has sent Numbuh 30C, then I don't think we have much of a choice."

"Well, I don't like it."

"I'm sorry, but that's too bad."

Numbuh 30C smirked, and then walked into the living room, abruptly dropping his two bags of luggage he was carrying. He looked around the room, nodding approvingly. Then the two girls caught his attention. _Woohoo, jackpot!_ he thought silently as he checked them out from head-to-toe.

"It's good to see you all again. I know the last time we met--" he shot an impatient glance over at Numbuh 4, before continuing, "--it was under less 'pleasant' circumstances. But I'm hoping that we can just put all that behind us. So I brought a peace offering." He unzipped one of his bags and took out an insulated ice cooler. He motioned for everyone to come closer. When they circled around him, he showed them the contents of the ice cooler. Every KND member of Sector V oohed and ahhed as they stared at **five perfect snow cones **neatly arranged in a container. They seemed to sparkle and dazzle. Even Numbuh 4 had momentarily forgotten his anger as his mouth hung open, his glassy eyes transfixed on the blue-green snow-cone in the middle...

"Help yourselves," he offered, narrowly missing the chubby kid's swoop--_was it Numbuh 2?_--into the middle of the circle, causing everyone to growl and snap at him.

"Watch it, Numbuh 2!"

"Yeah, you almost broke my arm!"

Even Numbuh 5 could hardly control herself as she pushed Numbuh 2 out of the way and grabbed the red orange one.

_That ought to ta keep 'em happy for awhile, _Numbuh 30C thought smugly, somewhat relieved. _But that short blonde one scares me. Boys like that, with the 'short man' syndrome..._

"Thank you _so _much, Numbuh 30C," Numbuh 3 smiled at him.

"Yeah, this really IS the best snow cone _I've_ ever tasted!" Numbuh 2 exclaimed.

"Yeah, they're not that bad, 'mate," Four agreed. He seemed to have lost his coldness toward 30C as he tasted the 'world's perfect snow cone.'

Everyone else nodded in agreement. Numbuh 30C waited impatiently until they were finally done and asked Nigel, "So, where am I sleeping?"

Hoagie said, "That'd be _my _room. I've put up an extra cot and made some room in my closet for your--"

"Yeah, yeah. Just show me where it is so I can unpack and take a nap." 30C yawned, and lifted his bags and followed Numbuh 2 down the hallway.

* * *

When the two were out of earshot, Numbuh 1 looked at his remaining team. "So, I guess he's not going to be too much of a problem, eh guys?"  
"No complaints 'ere, 'mate!" 

"None by me, eithuh!"

"Numbuh 5 likez him already!"

"Good, then if you're all happy, _I'm_ happy."

_"NIGEL UNO, WE HAD A DATE!" _a familiar voice yelled through a bullhorn from outside. Everyone flinched and looked at each other. _Lizzie. _Numbuh 4 made a puking gesture with his finger before Nigel glared at him.

He smiled sheepishly at his team before saying, "Well, look who's outside. I guess that means--"

_"NIGEL!"_

He scurried off before he could finish his sentence.

"_Women_," Numbuh 4 muttered before he was smacked by Three and Five.

"'Ey! Watch who you're hitting!"

* * *

Meanwhile, in Hoagie's room, Numbuh 30C was settled in comfortably and was plopped down on his cot. He looked around in amazement at all of Hoagie's model airplanes and toys. "Wow, quite a fine collection of aviation stuff you got," he whistled, clearly impressed. Hoagie's face brightened at that and he said, "Thank you! Do you share an interest in--" 

"Cut the chit chat. I'm going to take a nap and when I wake up have a nice, warm bath drawn for me." He was already asleep and snoring--very LOUDLY, mind you--before Hoagie could finish. _Oh great. Not only is he rude and tactless, he's the world's loudest snorer. _He quietly tiptoed out of his room to join the others.

* * *

Lizzie had clutched Nigel's hand and she was staring at him adoringly through her brown, magnified eyes. He looked back down at her and felt his heart pitter patter when she fluttered her eyelashes. They walked down the street, hand-in-hand, each carrying a pistachio flavored ice cream cone. 

"Oh, the day's so beautiful, isn't it, Nigel?" she sighed dreamily. He forgot about what had happened earlier in the tree house and his mood was already brightened.

"It's beautiful now that you're in it."

She giggled and clutched him closer. "Oh, Nigey, you're such a romantic." Violins could be heard playing off in the distance as they entered the park and sat on a bench. He was looking at her.

"What're you thinking, Nigey?" she asked shyly.

"Can I give you a kiss?"

She giggled nervously, feeling butterflies swirl in her stomach. She didn't have to answer because his lips had already met hers.

* * *

When Numbuh 30C was convinced that his chubby roommate was gone, he quickly opened his eyes and got up from the bed. He quietly started rummaging through drawers, underneath the beds, in the closets. _Let's see what this boy's hiding, _he thought, amused when he found a polaroid of a dark skinned teenage girl walking down the street. _Not bad, _he thought, studying the picture before slipping it back under the mattress. 

Then something interesting caught his eye. One of the floorboards was loose on the floor. He walked over and loosened it. Lifting it up, he saw some hidden Yipper comics. But there was something even further down there that was much more interesting. Some paper...maybe notes. He was about to reach down for them before the door suddenly opened and a voice demanded, "What do you think you're doing?"


	6. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: _Ah, geez, thanks for all the positive reviews. Tsumani, shame on you for making me blush! But anyway, I'm glad you all like it so far. I worked **hard **on this next chapter, so you guys better like it. And make sure you read my note at the bottom of the page. It's very important! Now on with the fic!

**Chaptuh 5**

"What do you think you're doing?" the voice demanded. Numbuh 30C snapped his head up in the direction of the voice and found Hoagie standing in the doorway, glaring at him. He quickly snatched the note up from underneath the floorboard and slipped it into his back pocket. Unable to think of a good response, he just sat there stupidly for awhile before he managed to weakly reply, "I just noticed this board was a little loose, so, . . .I. . ." He fumbled with his words, silently cursing himself for getting caught.

Numbuh 2 eyed his foe suspiciously. "What was that you slipped in your pocket?" he asked.

_Think fast!_, Numbuh 30C thought frantically, his gaze darting back and forth between Hoagie and the door. He finally answered, "Ah, it's...nothing. It's just some notes I was writing--that's all."

Numbuh 2 slowly walked over to Numbuh 30C and held his hand out. "If it's nothing, mind if I take a look?" he asked.

Before Hoagie got his response, Numbuh 30C knocked him to the ground and bolted for the door--catching Numbuh 2 by surprise. "Hey!" Hoagie cried out. But luckily, because of his experience as a fighter pilot, Hoagie had the reflexes of a cat. He caught Numbuh 30C's ankle just in time, as the boy tried to whip past him. 30C landed with a _THUD!_ on the ground and the two immediately began to wrestle on Hoagie's floor.

"You must be hiding _something_!" Numbuh 2 gasped in between short, agonizing breaths, "so give it up!" He tried--unsuccessfully--to pin his opponent down.

"I should say the same about _you_!" Numbuh 30C accused, trying to push Numbuh 2 off of him. But by now, Hoagie had the boy pinned underneath his full weight, and Numbuh 30C felt his ribs being crushed. "_Get off me! _You're crushing me!"

The two continued to struggle for what seemed like an eternity, before Numbuh 30C finally managed to push the heavier boy off him.

Hoagie had to sit back and catch his breath. Seizing this opportunity, Numbuh 30C kicked him squarely in the knee.

"OUCH!" Numbuh 2 yelped, clutching his knee in pain. "Why did you have to kick me so hard?"

Numbuh 30C hastily scrambled to his feet, his heart beating violently. His lungs gasping for oxygen, he took a long, deep breath and finally blurted out, "You were crushing me, you moron! What do you weigh? Like _300 pounds_?! Besides, what would the Moon Base say if I told them you were treating me like a criminal here on _my first day_?"

At that, Hoagie didn't answer and he sat back on his heels. He watched helplessly as Numbuh 30C took the crumpled letter out of his pocket. "I'm curious as to what this letter has to say. Why don't I read it for the both of us?" He straightened his Hawaiian shirt and read aloud:

"_'Dear Hoagie, _

_Hopefully, by the time you read this, you and your team will have been decommissioned. **You are such an idiot **for practically _handing_ those plans over to me. Now, 'Father' and I can continue our evil plot of destruction against the rest of the Kids Next Door and blast you all into deep space! Ha Ha Ha! _

_Love always, _

_Cree_

_P.S. Next time, don't be so predictable.'_"

Numbuh 30C stared from the letter, to Hoagie, and then back to the letter, confused. "So, are you going to explain this?"

Hoagie felt a fresh wave of panic wash over him and he begged, "You're not going to tell the others about that letter, are you? Please! Please...I'll do anything. _Anything! _Numbuh 1 will have me served up with french fries and batter sauce, and--and he'll--"

"_Ahem_!" Numbuh 30C cleared his throat, tapping his foot impatiently. _I got 'Chubby' _right _where I want him. Now I can start with Plan One, _he thought with a wicked grin.

Hoagie proceeded to explain the letter to Numbuh 30C...

_FLASHBACK..._

_It happened three weeks ago: Hoagie had been at the local burger joint, revising some blueprints and plans for their latest mission, when...he looked up and suddenly saw Cree standing over him, watching him work. He felt his pulse quicken and his palms start to sweat. She smiled at him sweetly and asked, "What are you working on?"_

_"Uh, it's nothing." His jaw dropped open and drool dripped from his mouth when she leaned over slightly and he caught a glimpse of her cleavage. _

_"Can I ask a favor?"_

_"S-surrrre...Cree._" Anything _for you._

_"My bike's parked outside but I forgot to bring my chain. Do you mind watching it for me while I order a salad?"_

_"No p-p-problem."_

_"Thank you!" She blew him a kiss, and he felt like he was walking on air as he waited outside for her. Then five minutes passed, and then _another _five minutes. Thirty minutes later, he walked back inside and suddenly remembered--his notes! Oh nooo! He quickly rushed back to his table and realized it was too late. She had already stolen the blueprints, the plans, and even worse--the last of his cheese fries!_

And _that _was how this last mission got screwed up and resulted in Sector V's temporary suspension from the Kids Next Door. Hoagie claimed he had found that letter from Cree on his bed, a week ago, and panicked. He had quickly hid it in his Yipper comic book before the others could find it.

"Everyone will hate me," Numbuh 2 said sadly. He felt ashamed and full of remorse, yet somehow relieved--the guilt at keeping this secret had been slowly gnawing away at his insides. He dared to look up at Numbuh 30C.

"So, you don't have to tell anyone about this, do you?" he asked hopefully.

But Numbuh 30C was quietly smirking, and he pondered out loud: "And this whole time I thought Sector V were just a bunch of incompetent bozos. . . There was never an engine malfunction, or the S.C.A.M.P. 's bad timing, or even bad planning. All along, your _girlfriend _knew what you guys had in store for the Delightful's, and she warned 'Father'! That's why he was able to easily defeat you that day. And you didn't even bother to tell your leader about this! Man, you seriously suck!"

"Hey!" Hoagie shouted defensively.

"Well, Numbuh 2, I think I can be a _little _forgiving about this. But I wouldn't be so sure about your teammates. . ."

"Please, you don't have to tell them..." Hoagie begged.

"Okay, okay, I'll cut you a deal. Just get up and quit your whining!" Numbuh 30C ordered, the sight of Hoagie groveling on his hands and knees making him nauseous. And then a thought suddenly came to his mind. For a moment, his eyes darkened. Then, in a serious tone, he said, "First, I want you to tell me everything you know about your teammates. . ."

* * *

In the living room, Numbuhs 4 and 5 were sitting on the couch watching television, when--out of the blue--Numbuh 4 asked her a question.

"Numbuh 5, I need your advice on somethin'."

Numbuh 5 turned her attention away from the screen and looked at Numbuh 4.

"Shoot for it, shorty."

"Grrrrr...don't call me 'shorty'!" The Aussie growled.

"Oh, I'm sorry, my sincerest apologies, Numbuh 4. So, what's on yo' mind?"

Numbuh 4 felt his cheeks grow red as he replied, "Uh...it's kinda a personal question..."

"Don't worry, Numbuh 4! Numbuh 5 will keep this jus' between us." Suddenly interested, she muted the television and scooted closer to him. She thought, _Ooh boy! A personal question, eh? I bet it's about Numbuh 3! Those two been actin' _weird _lately. Oops, he's lookin' at you! Bettuh keep it cool, Numbuh 5!_

"So you have a _friend,_ thaz riiight?" She relaxed back on the couch and crossed her arms, giving him a mischievous wink. He only stared at her in confusion and asked, "Is there somethin' in your eye, Numbuh 5?"

"What? Oh, no. Jus' go ahead and ask me da question, okay?"

"Okay, well you see, I have this 'friend'. And he's--"

"This 'friend'--have any of us evuh met him?"

"Er...no. That's because he lives in Australia."

"Oh? It's funny, 'cuz Numbuh 5 nevuh heard you mention any friends in Australia befo'." She winked at him again.

"Will ya get that eye problem fixed?! _Anyway_," he continued, "this friend of mine is kinda shy so that's why I never mention him. But he likes a particular sheila--a _girl_--and he wants to know the best way he can tell her this so maybe she might like 'im back."

"Ahhh, so this 'friend' jus' wants advice on romance, right? Well, Numbuh 4, I hate ta say this, but I am probably da _last_ person you should be asking for advice on romance and junk."

"But, you're the only girl Ah can talk to!"

"What about Numbuh 3?" Numbuh 5 asked, watching his cheeks blush even more profusely. His eyes widened in horror and he shook his head emphatically. "NO way! I don't want to talk to 'er about this!"

"Hmmm...well, since I have an older sister and all, she usually likes readin' love poems dat guys write for her n' junk. I suggest you write Kuki a little love poem--oops, I mean your _friend_ write his _sheila_ a little love poem."

His face brightened and he got up from the sofa. "Thanks a lot, Numbuh 5! And, uh, could you do me a favor and, uh, not tell anyone about this?"

"Yo secret's safe with me, shorty." She chuckled.

He walked away and grumbled. "Grrrrrrrr..."

* * *

_Meanwhile, back in Hoagie's room, thirty minutes _**earlier**...

It took about a half an hour, but Numbuh 2 managed to spill everything he knew about his teammates. The whole time he had been talking, Numbuh 30C had unzipped his suitcase and unloaded its contents on the bed.

Hoagie's eyes widened in amazement as he watched Numbuh 30C hook up a state-of-the-art mini-computer (with a CPU clock speed he gaged to be faster than the speed of light) to a flat, LCD monitor, and then split some wires and attached them to a control panel with blinking red lights.

"Wow! This is awesome!" Hoagie exclaimed, picking up a weird-looking gadget that resembled an insect. He turned it around over and over again in his hand, studying it. "Numbuh 30C, what does this do?"

"Put that down!" Numbuh 30C snapped as snatched it out of Hoagie's hand. He turned his attention back to the machine and hooked up some more wires to a microphone.

"_Sorrrry_. What is all of this for, anyway?" Hoagie asked, trying to sound casual. Numbuh 30C didn't answer him right away as he carefully split some speaker wires and hooked them into a black box. He handed Hoagie a small black object shaped like a complex, mathematically perfect octagon.

"Your mission, Numbuh 2,"he stated matter-of-factly, "is to sneak into Numbuh 4's room and plant this chip somewhere where he won't find it. And after you're done with that, I want you to hide this micro-camera up in his ceiling, somewhere _high_, so 'short stuff' isn't likely to find it. I'll be out in the hallway, keeping an eye out for you and if I hear anyone coming, I'll give you a signal. You got that?"

"Y-yes. But, we're not going to do anything _'bad'_ to Numbuh 4, are we?" Hoagie asked, somewhat hesitant.

Numbuh 30C gave his new 'partner' a reassuring pat on the back. "Relax, my good pal Hoag--we're just going to have a little fun."

* * *

Barely missing Hoagie by two minutes, Numbuh 4 entered his room, excitement plastered all over his face. Unaware that there was a camera and a small chip hidden in his room, and that Hoagie and 30C were watching him through the monitor from Hoagie's bedroom, Numbuh 4 walked to his nightstand and retrieved a notebook and pencil.

He started to write:

'_Numbuh 3--when I stair at you I kan't help but want to make out with you.'_

"Grrrr, what are you? A freak? She won't like that!" He crumpled up the letter and ripped out a fresh sheet:

'_Numbuh 3, whenever i look at u, my heart feels up with joy...'_

"That's horrible! You sound like a cruddy mushball!!" he thought aloud to himself. He wrote:

'_Kuki, your _**i**_'s are like the stars and the moon...'_

"Well, that IS a bit of an improvement." But he read it over once more and frowned. Frustrated, he walked over to his punching bag and started pounding away. He did this for about a good five minutes, muttering the whole time, "_Women_, why do they always have to fall for that kissy, loveydovey crap anyway?"He stopped pounding and froze when a deep, mysterious voice responded:

_**"Because, Wallabee Beetles, women won't settle for a simpleton."**_

Numbuh 4 looked around his room. "What's a simpleton?" he asked. Then the realization dawned on him that no one was in the room with him, and he was probably talking to himself. "Ah must be hearin' voices," he mumbled.

**_"That's what they all think when I first appear to them, Wallabee Beetles."_**

"Wait a second!"Numbuh 4 had a sudden epiphany. "If Ah'm hearing a voice, then why does it keep callin' me Wallabee Beetles? I _hate _that name!"He looked up at the ceiling and shouted, "'Ey, voices, whoever you are, you bettuh quit callin' me Wallabee or Ah'll beat ya to a bloody pulp!" Numbuh 4 growled, clenching his fists. He started punching on the walls, trying to make the voice stop when it continued:

"_**Numbuh 4, did you know that bottling up all that anger and rage will only contribute to heart problems later in life?" **_

By this time, Numbuh 4 was close to flipping out and he started searching his room. He lifted up his mattress, looked under his bed, pulled opened his drawers, looked in his closet, searched underneath the wrestling ring.

"Whoever you are, you don't want to mess with Numbuh 4!" He threatened, scanning the corners of his room and pushing clothes and comics out of the way. He finally gave up and sighed.

"Okay," he said to the voice, finally defeated, "who are ya and what do ya want?"

"**_I am the 'Higher Power', the 'Master', the 'Eternal One', the 'Infinite Wisdom', the 'End All, Know All--"_**

"Jus' get on with it, will ya, you dolt?"

"**_Silence! You shall not address your master that way. Because, Wallabee Beetles, I am _God**

Numbuh 4 froze in midair. "Y-y-you're God?"

* * *

_At that _exact_ moment in time, in Hoagie's room_...

Numbuh 2 and 30C watched Numbuh 4 tear up his room in panic on the computer monitor with some kind of sinister amusement. It was Numbuh 30C who spoke to Wallabee as "God", cleverly disguising his voice and using the ECHO feature on his microphone. Hoagie whispered to 30C, "Tell him to do something funny!"

Numbuh 30C rolled his eyes at him and spoke into the microphone:

_**"Wallabee, I want you to twirl around in your room like a ballerina!"**_

_Back in Numbuh 4's room...._

Numbuh 4 looked around in amazement. "You want me to do _what?_"

_**"Did I stutter, Wallabee?"**_

"Uh, no, I suppose You didn't. But why do You want me to do _that?_"

_**"Because I want to help you, Wallabee."**_

"How?"

_**"Uh, er, I want to help you with, uh...any problems you might be having right now."**_

"But how is twirling around like a ballerina gonna help me with my problems, God?" Numbuh 4 asked, still uncertain.

_**"Because, my son, I want to...er, know if you're a loyal follower. So stop asking me stupid questions!"**_

Numbuh 4 felt ridiculous, but he twirled around in pirouettes, even executing a fine arabesque, and other acrobatics for about a minute when he finally asked, "Is that good enough, God?"

Numbuh 4 frowned when God started laughing. "I _said_, is that good enough, God?!"

_**"What? Oh, yes, son, very good. Uh, now I want you to rub your stomach. No, counter-clockwise. Yes. Very good. Now pat your head! At the same time, Wallabee. Very good. You're catching on. Now sing 'Kumbaya.'**_

Numbuh 4 obeyed but he felt utterly ridiculous singing. _Jeez, if the others saw what Ah was doin' right now, I'd never hear the end of it! I've gotta put a stop to this. Maybe someone really_ is _playin' a joke on me!_

He was lost in deep concentration when God finally asked:

_**"What were you writing earlier that made you so angry?"**_

"Uh, nuthin'. Nuthin' at all," Numbuh 4 replied quickly.

"**_Don't lie to me."_**

"It was jus' a poem for Numbuh 3, er, I mean, a girl."

**_"Well, throw it away! Get out another sheet and you're going to write _this instead..."**

Numbuh 4 took out his notebook and pencil. "Okay, I'm ready, God."

_**"The first line shall read: 'Dear Kuki'...."**_

* * *

_My final note_: If you've ever seen **Real Genius **with Val Kilmer (an awesome 80's movie, btw) then you'll see where I got that idea from. You know, the part where Mitch and Chris planted a chip in Kent's mouth and they spoke to him via the chip and convinced Kent that they were God? Haha, well, if you haven't, don't worry. BUT, if you're a little confused about what just happened, imagine that Hoagie and 30C are 'security guards' and they're in Hoagie's room watching Numbuh 4's room. Now imagine that there's a speaker in 4's room, without his knowledge, and 30C can talk to him through that microphone. And Numbuh 4, of course, doesn't know this and he really thinks it's God he's talking to. Okay, I'll quit rambling. Next chapter there will be a lot of fun stuff, guarantee! 


End file.
